How to Talk to School Staff and Parents About Gender Identity

School counselors wear many hats and play a multitude of roles in the academic, social and emotional growth of their students. One of their roles can be to help dispel myths and misconceptions about student experiences; this is especially pertinent in conversations surrounding a student’s gender identity.

The topic of gender identity is frequently misunderstood, among both adults and children, especially in school environments. Because school counselors often play a neutral, informed and nonpolitical role in schools, they can deliver critical and objective psychoeducation to staff, parents and students.

Here, we’ll take a look at some frequent misconceptions that school counselors may encounter from parents or school staff about the topic of gender identity, as well as strategies on how to shape these conversations. 

Both home and school are appropriate places for young students to be taught to respect differences, cooperate to accomplish good and protect each other from bullying. Providing gender-inclusive education is an example of how schools teach children to not judge others based on race, sexuality, identity, family type, class or religion. Schools are ethically and legally obligated to protect their students from harassment. Teaching students about gender identity is a step toward further offering this protection.

While a 7-year-old student may not understand the terms “cisgender” or “binary,” they are not too young to understand a person’s desire to express their true self. Young children have more flexible thinking than older adults or children; they explore and learn new things about the world every day.

Regardless, children receive potent lessons about gender every day, whether or not they’re explicit. They might be encouraged to play differently or have particular interests based on their gender, and many of these stereotypes limit all children when it comes to their thoughts, talents and passions.

It is a common misconception to conflate gender identity with sexual orientation. Gender identity is an expression of where a person feels they belong on the gender spectrum, while sexual orientation relates to their sexual or romantic desires. Anatomy does not necessarily need to be brought up when discussing gender. Instead, focus on gender identity as how people feel and think about themselves.

Individual students should never be used as teachable moments. This singles out the student and eliminates their right to privacy. Instead, school counselors can work with school librarians to find stories about gender identity that can be used as conversational tools. Schools may have transgender or genderqueer students without knowing it. Students may wish to keep their gender identity private, or they may still be figuring out how they want to identify. By creating an inclusive space, schools pave the way for current and future students to feel welcomed.

Encourage students to use the correct pronouns just as you would encourage them to know and remember their classmates’ names. Pronouns can be as valuable to a student’s identity as their name. School counselors can also educate school leadership about how to set a powerful example by addressing students with their pronouns and their chosen name, even at a big school. These small adjustments can make a huge difference in a school’s environment. 

Schools are adapting and evolving, as is the language we use. A growing number of students identify outside the traditional gender binary, so they may feel comfortable using the pronouns associated with their gender or gender-neutral pronouns. Gender neutral pronouns include they, them, their, ze, hir and hirs.

There are multiple ways for school counselors to disseminate information about gender identity to parents, school staff and students. A simple pamphlet or information sheet can make information readily available, or counselors can volunteer to give an information session or in-service to interested staff or parents. Above all, students should feel comfortable walking into a counselor’s office, knowing that all aspects of their identity will be affirmed and celebrated. Consider today how you can dispel myths about gender identity and build an informed and welcoming community at your school.

School Rights, National Center for Transgender Equality – Information for transgender students about what rights they have at school and how they can advocate for themselves.

Trans Student Educational Resources External link  – Youth-led organization that writes model educational policies, leadership training and workshops to transform the educational environment for trans and gender-nonconforming students.

Transgender Children & Youth: Understanding the Basics, Human Rights Campaign – Introductory information on gender and supporting transgender children, as well as answers to some common questions parents may have about their child.

Schools in Transition: A Guide for Supporting Transgender Students in K-12 Schools, ACLU – Handbook on providing safe environments for transgender high school students that is targeted toward administrators, teachers and parents.

Publications, Training and Resource Materials, Family Acceptance Project – Family-oriented education information, practice guidance and peer-reviewed research on promoting the well-being of LGBTQ children. 

Citation for this content: USC Rossier’s online masters in school counseling program.